Suicide plan aborted...

This time, I am posting in english for a broader audience.

To summarize: I made an attempt to suicide weeks ago. I thought that I reached the bottom but it seems that it is not really the case. I still want to do it again from time to time. I cannot tell the exact reasons; but sometimes I think that the aim is to punish some people, sometimes the reason is to make some people realize that I am really in need of their help... I don't know what's going on in my head. My last attempt failed because I had a rope around my neck and just did not have the courage to step down the chair I was standing on. I started to cry cause I wished I had the courage to do it and end the pain I feel.

Today, I planned it again but now, I am not feeling down enough to do it. I just came back from a 2 hours training which probably helped me empty my mind from suicide thoughts. Sport is a good therapy in fact.

Now I am going to sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. My plan is still here and I can execute it at any time.